thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
