I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
