I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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