Quick, to the slutcave!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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