Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
