Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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