I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
