i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
