yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
