marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
