My friends, they love my intelligence
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
