Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
