I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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