matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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