theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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