who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
