we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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