i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
