If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize