"it" just moved
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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