I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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