We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
