i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
