Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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