thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
