oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
two words: eviction party
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
