I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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