Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize