I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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