his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
