My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
