i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
