He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
