I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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