He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
