Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
