woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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