Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
