i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
