So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
