Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
