Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
