i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
