Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
