my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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