She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
