I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
