Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
