His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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