if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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