Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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