i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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