There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
