If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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