I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
