His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
