his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
