My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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