If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
