this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
