I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
