My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The best revenge is premature balding
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
