Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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