Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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