Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
