TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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