I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
