the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
