Where did you get a picture of my penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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