All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
